Today is one of those days that just hurts. It is a pain that makes your entire body numb. I sit and stare…I try to feel something other than the pain…but not today. Today I will just hurt. I have thought countless times…how have I survived this hurt for this long? How will I continue to live with this hurt? How have countless women before me braved this road? We are the chosen ones, the ones that live day by day with large parts of our hearts missing. This is not an easy road and though I can manage to get up, get dressed, get to work…some days are easier than others. Today just hurts.
Today my dear Jackie you are three months old, today I have visions of what you look like, of your smile, of your beautiful long dark hair, of whether you would have learned how to roll over by now. I dream of the photos we would’ve taken to memorialize this age, the cute outfits you would have worn, the bond your puppies would share with you, the countless kisses we would’ve given you. Today just hurts.
Grief is individual and it is ever changing every day. Grief is also selfish in the way that I am said because selfishly I wish that you were here. I wish so very badly that it wasn’t you, it wasn’t us. Today just hurts, and it hurts because of the many dreams that I have of you, the many things we all were going to do together. Today hurts because you are not here and I wish that you were.
We love you so very much beautiful boy.
#thisoneisforJackie #ourjackofhearts #chdawareness #angelmommy