January 15, 2015
This is a story in it of itself. Trying to get pregnant in December means no alcohol consumption during the holidays. The 23rd of December is when I had my scheduled ovulation charted and after reading many articles concerning pregnancy I knew that I had the potential of being three weeks pregnant on Christmas Eve.
Yes I am one of those…”chart ladies”
I allowed myself to have one glass of wine during that evening so that the family wouldn’t read too much into the situation. From there it only continued as Jack and I managed to keep busy spending time with family and friends. We had a dinner with friends the night before New Year’s Eve and I did not have anything to drink except water. New Year’s Eve I did not consume any alcohol except a small glass of Champaign to celebrate a close friend’s engagement. Even though I thought I had a good excuse to not drink, considering we were 45 minutes from and needed to get home safely that evening… it still led to thoughts of pregnancy from my friends. Two of my friends blatantly asked me that evening if I was pregnant. Others asked a few days later. I even had Jack’s friends ask me if I was pregnant since they had seen me twice and I was not drinking. It is hard to keep “trying” a secret.
Jack and I both decided that we did not want to share with everyone that we were “trying” that way if we ran into complications (being infertile) no one would know besides us. We also didn’t want to be bombarded with “emotional” coaching from our parents through this process. I took a pregnancy test January 2nd, negative. I took a pregnancy test January 3rd, negative. And one last time right before my period was supposed to start on January 6th, negative. Honestly I was heartbroken, and I know Jack was disappointed. As scary and exciting as it is to think that we could’ve become parents that month, we were both looking forward to it so much that we were devastated when it didn’t happen. What an emotional roller coaster those two weeks had been. I will say one thing, if you are truly ready to have kids and you take a pregnancy test and it comes up negative, your reaction tells you everything you need to know. Jack and I are both without a doubt ready to become parents. My lean toward pregnancy became a 100%; I want to become a mom.
We disappointedly, have to take a break from “trying” for two months. This is due to that fact that two of my close friends are getting married. I made the decision, with the blessing of Jack that I would hate to miss one of my best friend’s weddings because I was delivering a baby or had just delivered. Other discussions we have had include that once we have a positive pregnancy result we will not be able to wait a few weeks to tell our family and friends. If we end up having a miscarriage we would rather have everyone’s support than have to deal with it by ourselves. We cannot wait to see how everyone reacts especially because of the fact that they do not know that we are “trying”.
Or so we thought!
It’s amazing how your outlook changes when you are ready to start a family. I was over at a friends house last night taking 3 month pictures of their kiddo. She was so crabby and whined most of the time I was there. I didn’t mind at all, usually I would have been thinking in the back of my mind, get me out of here! But not last night, I just wanted to cuddle with her and let her know that it was all okay. At lunch today I saw a post on Facebook and decided to read about a story regarding a stillborn baby. How heartbreaking it was to hear that a couple lost their baby boy, he was even full term. Once again pulling at my scared to death emotions regarding having children of our own. But there was a gentleman who bought the infants crib and made it into a bench for the family to enjoy in their home. How beautiful of a gesture it was. This of course confirmed that Jack and I want to tell our friends and family as soon as we get a positive test result. Regarding the death of this infant child it made me think about a close family member. She had recently told me that she lost a son at 5 months. 5 months… wow! I can only imagine how difficult that would be on someone, especially a mother. It is good for me to understand that there will be ups and downs when Jack and I head into this new chapter of our lives together, and that with the bad comes the good and vice versa. Keep a positive outlook, everything happens for a reason.