This has been my first full week at work. I had been working part-time (ish). I have worked 8 hours everyday. To be completely honest I am exhausted. I am mentally and physically exhausted from having a smile on my face and offering well deserved customer service to our customers. I had no idea I would be this tired from performing my job. Don’t get me wrong, what I do is not easy on it’s best day. I have to have conversations with customers that I do not enjoy, that they do not enjoy…it’s just the nature of the beast. I was use to being stressed and mentally tired but this is different. This is something much different. It’s somewhat hard to put into words what exactly it is that I am feeling. I know that I feel tired, drained, exhausted, overwhelmed…all of these apply. But there is something more to this…it’s almost like pretending…like I am an actor. I am acting like someone or something that I do not feel like I am right now…and even this explanation doesn’t seem quite right. The easiest way to describe it, is simply exhausted. This week has been hard and I am tired. I look forward to going home where I can just sit and stare, I can talk to my husband or not say a thing, I can read, I can write, I can cry, I can smile, I can be whatever I need to be in that moment. Home is my retreat, it is my safe place. It is where we retreated when we could not handle the NICU environment, where we find peace. Home…is my favorite place to be right now. It is where I can be who I am right now. I can feel what I need to feel…cry when I need to cry…talk when I need to talk…or just sit and embrace the silence of my surroundings.
We love you Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts