11. TREE
This is a fitting prompt today as Jack and I have been planning where we will have our two trees planted in memory of Jackie. One tree has been given by a select few of my work family and the other by the amazing Anderson cousins that we love so very deeply. We also get to over look an orchard that was planted in his memory on Jack’s sister’s property.
Trees and plants are very fitting items to give to families. I have plants that somehow I have kept alive since my Grandpa’s passing and I have plants that are flourishing since Jackie’s memorial…among them is a poinsettia that was given to us by the hospital on the night of his birth. I love to water and stare at these plants and trees…they have become more than just decoration, more than just a woody perennial plant, more than just a living organism absorbing water and inorganic substances through its roots and synthesizing nutrients in its leaves. To me these plants and trees have become small pieces of my Grandpa and Jackie…a symbol for their memory that still remains. A symbol of their life, a symbol of their love…if I can keep the plants and trees alive…I am keeping them alive.
I have lost a few plants along the way…and when they don’t make it…I am saddened. In a way I feel like I have failed my loved ones. I was extremely disappointed to find that many of the plants in my office when I left for maternity leave were neglected by my office staff…others from different departments had to step in and take action to save what they could. How could anyone just let them die? Thanks to the other staff many of them were revived…some didn’t make it. Am I the only one who sees these plants and trees for something more than what they are?
I am so looking forward to add these two trees to our home. I want them to be front and center for all to see and enjoy. The cousin’s will be planting an evergreen in our front yard…I already have a plan for this beauty! I want to have a small gathering of friends and family for Jackie’s birthday on December 21st…we will surround this tree, decorate it, and light it…maybe even send up a few Eco-friendly balloons too! It will stay lit until December 30th. I wish to begin this tradition on Jackie’s 1st birthday this year and continue it until my dying day. A small act of love to share with the world…for all that will listen…for all that will see.
I guess in a way my attachment to these plants and trees is just one more testament to how I refuse to tuck away my loved ones that have passed, especially Jackie. I have said it so many times that I will not sweep him under a rug and act like he wasn’t here. I won’t do that for any of my beloveds…why would I do that to my son? I won’t! I can’t!
As Mother’s Day quickly approaches I find myself taking deeper roots. I am bracing for the emotions of that day and what the day symbolizes. I am a bereaved mother of angel babies…they lived…they loved…and they will not be forgotten. As long as I am living my babies they will be…As long as I am living I will share their stories…I will commemorate, celebrate their lives. As long as I am living…they will not be forgotten. As long as I am living I will care for their memories, I will water them, I will prune them…and maybe one day when I am gone…they will be strong and they will share their stories with others, for all that will listen.
We love you!
#mayweallheal #mwah2017 #ourjackofhearts #thisoneisforJackie