19. SUCCUMB
We are heading into a weekend that begins with a fundraiser that our family and friends have organized for us to help with medical bills…it is also going to end as the 5th month without Jackie. This weekend will be hard, this weekend will be fun…I am anxious, nervous, excited…and everything in-between. Once again I cannot say enough about how wonderful our family and friends are…they are all so very selfless…and this fundraiser is just larger proof of that.
Succumb by definition means to cave in. When I think of succumb I think of darkness…giving in to the darkness…giving in to negative thoughts and the demons that death can create. I want to share a recent event.
A post was shared with me about a mom who posted to the public, years after the loss of her son, regarding anger that she still harbors towards members that were present for her son’s tragic death. I do not agree with how the mom posted…she was extreme.
“…it was a tragic event that happened at such a young age…of course everyone involved is harboring demons from that day. They just all handle them differently. Some turn to faith, some to counselors, and some to anger. Anger is blame…it’s easy to blame others for your loss…it gives you an answer to why this awful thing had to happen. The unfortunate thing is that sometimes you really don’t know why…and you may never. This poor mom just hasn’t come to terms with that. She would rather place blame and be angry at all involved then to try to find peace in knowing that God has a plan…and everything happens for a reason. Everyone involved has taken something away from that event…they are all different now…Just try to put yourself in her shoes for just a second…it’s not all that crazy for her to act this way. She lost her son…and that my friends is SO HARD.”
What I am wanting to say is that everyone reacts differently to death…especially the death of a child. Anger is certainly apart of the grieving process and though I have had my far share of anger that I have had to navigate through I thank the stars above that I do not harbor anger everyday. How easy would it be to blame the surgeons, to blame the hospital that we put our faith in, to blame ourselves or try to blame other outside parties? It would be extremely easy to do that, it would give us a way to answer the unanswered question…why. But this is not our path, this is not our journey. I feel blessed in that respect.
My hope is that this mom can find peace. That she can forgive those who were present during her son’s tragic accident and realize that it was just that…an accident. There is no one that she should be blaming. Anger is such a horrible demon…it makes you do and say things that you really don’t mean. She was clearly having a really bad day…and though she will be receiving a multitude of nasty reply messages my simple reply is as I said above, that she can find peace. Peace in knowing that everything does truly happen for a reason. Peace in knowing that her son no longer feels pain. Peace in knowing that he is watching her…is this who she really wants him to see? Is this how he would want her to act? If she were the one who would’ve passed instead, would she want her son to be doing the same? Only she can answer these questions…only she can choose her path that she walks daily. I just hope that one day she can find peace…true peace.
Death shakes us to our very core…put yourself in her shoes for just one second…it doesn’t seem all that crazy now does it? Be gentle to oneself and be gentle to others…you don’t know what storm God asked them to walk through.
Those of us who have had to lose a child understand the demons…we see both roads everyday when we wake up. Will we succumb to them? The answer is ours and ours alone.
We love you Jackie!
#thisoneisforJackie