Three words…three words strung together that create the most strong hurtful question that has stung my ears and my heart. There is no good time for anyone to ask this question to a woman, especially a bereaved one at that. A few weeks ago I had an encounter with a coworker…someone who actually knows my history of miscarriage and the passing of Jackie. I met her in the hallway on my way back to the office and she pointed at me and asked, “what is that?” I looked down and all around my clothes looking to see if I had spilled something or splashed water on myself from washing my hands just moments earlier. I looked up at her with a puzzled look and she once again pointed and said, “that!, what is that?” I said, “what? look at what?” and she then stated, “you have a pooch…are you pregnant?” … to be honest I reacted better than I would’ve imaged in this situation. I calmly looked at her and stated, “no, I am not pregnant.” She stated to me that she was, “sorry, but not sorry for asking.”
It honestly took a few hours for this statement to truly have an effect on me…I left work and it suddenly was playing on repeat…over and over I heard her words…over and over it stung my heart…deeper and deeper. Why would someone who knows my history ask such a question? Even complete strangers know that this question is taboo in our world. So many women face infertility, so many are bereaved. It may not have hurt at the time, but it hurts now. It hurt as I repeated the incident to my sister-in-law who was upset and puzzled that this happened. It hurt as I told my friend and fellow co-worker. And it hurts now as I reflect and write this experience to share with you all.
The truth is, I am almost 7 months postpartum and yes, I do have a pooch. But who wouldn’t have a pooch? Okay…some women are rock stars at recovering after giving birth but many of us struggle to lose the weight.
I have come to the conclusion that this question wouldn’t weigh so heavily on me had it been from a stranger. Yes, it still would’ve hurt…however not as bad. If this post can serve and anything…let it serve as a little reminder to think about you say. A simple question can pack a severe punch of emotions along with it. Be gentle to those around you, you never know what storm they are walking through.
We love you Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts #angelmommy