I can feel the wave building on the horizon…it is nearing as we are nearing August 18th. August 18th will mark a one year anniversary for us…the day one year ago we found out that our precious baby was a boy! But also the day that we discovered that there was fluid around his heart. The 18th will then be followed by the 21st…making this month…8 months.
Time just continues to pass…never stopping…just ticking away…making me feel, at times, further and further away from my son. The more time that passes the more distant his time with us becomes.
August 18th is the day my entire life was turned upside down…the day that stole away my dream of a health pregnancy…the day that turned what should have been just an anatomy scan into a day that will haunt my dreams for years to come. I even get nervous for my close friends who head to these appointments…anxiety builds and it doesn’t lessen until they tell me that everything went great.
The truth of the matter is, is that pregnancy is not easy. It is not easy to get pregnant…and it is not easy to have a fairytale pregnancy or birth.
Our society tends to help us feed into the positives…how easy it is for someone to get pregnant, how easy it is to carry a baby full-term with no complications, how easy it is for everyone to pop that baby out, hold it, and then take it home days later. Luckily…there seems to be a shift taking place…I’m not sure if it is a shift that only I see now because I am now one of the fallen soldiers or if there actually is a shift. I hear so many stories of complications now…infertility, miscarriages, still borns, infant death, pre-term delivery, NICU stays. Have a joined a community that only excepts the fallen…or is society actually starting to make this change?
My hope is that there actually is a change and that I am not just hearing this other side because I am now living it. It is crucial that we fallen soldiers stand up and tell our stories, that make others aware. I feel lucky to have team of Mamas that understand…each with their own unique tale of pregnancy…each holding my hands as we walk our journeys together.
I know a wave is coming…but the great news is that I will not be facing it alone. I have support from so many individuals and I support them as well. We don’t share our stories to instill fear…we share our stories for awareness…we share because we care. No one has to walk these paths alone…there is always someone ahead of you, right beside you, or behind you. Our journeys are all different…our paths weaving out of one another…aligning when we need each other most.
I know Friday will bring stresses with it, I know it will be a hard day…and that is okay. Time will continue to pass…waves will continue to roll in…but I am not alone. And if you are someone out there reading this and you do feel alone…”the thing to remember is if we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.”
We love you Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts #awareness