It’s not just about seeing hearts…or believing that they are tiny messages from beyond the grave…or thinking that it’s your loved one saying “hi”…it is more than that…it’s so much more than that. Although, that’s enough for me…there is still more to the heart sightings. I am amazed at how many sharing of hearts I have received. I receive text messages, Facebook shares, emails…any form of social media/communication you can think of…I’ve received it…and all have one thing in common…HEARTS! The sharing of hearts. However, what I have come to realize is that it’s not just the feeling that I have when I receive these beauties but it’s also the way that the sender felt. The sender had a “moment”. Whether they too believed Jackie was saying “hi” to them OR saw the heart and thought of Jackie OR saw the heart and thought of me OR maybe even a combination of all of the above. These hearts are joining us all together. Coming together in celebration of Jackie and his family. It honestly brings me to tears…how amazing it is that one little boy has had made such an impact on our surrounding world.
I think back to the first moment we saw a heart. It was at Jackie’s Memorial service. Those that attended were given white balloons (with no strings). We all gathered outside together after writing messages to Jackie on the balloons, Uncle Clayton spoke beautiful words, and we all released our balloons into the grey somber sky. Someone in the crowd said, “It’s a heart!” and we all gazed up in wonder. How wonderful that moment was…my broken heart finally felt at peace.
Now, I may have already told this story or at least some of it…and if so I apologize in advance for the repetition. At the time I never really put the pieces together but after sometime when the fog cleared in my mind I realized that the balloon release was the second moment we encountered a heart. After Jackie’s surgeries and the condition of his body we opted to have him cremated. When we sat down with the funeral home we had picked out an urn that looked like the stereotypical urn that you are used to, however it was much smaller. It actually wasn’t even considered an infant sized urn (they don’t make them). It’s the urns they use to divide up ashes among a family of a loved one. We picked out one that seemed masculine and yet pretty all at the same time. Jack and I nodded to one another that we had chosen the correct resting place for our son’s ashes. As we flipped through the pages we stumbled upon jewelry and a bear. A cute brown bear. This bear had a zipper in the back and allowed you to place the small urn inside of it…we instantly fell in love with this idea! I of course thought it was ironic that it was a bear considering that I call our miscarriage angel Bear. How perfect this bear was to me, I felt it would represent both of our Angels. We placed our order of remembrance jewelry, the urn, and the bear and were on our way to prepare for his Memorial Service.
A few days later I received a phone call from the funeral home. The urn that we had chosen was too small to fit Jackie’s ashes. Now what? Lucky for me the funeral home had a suggestion. There was one urn that his ashes would fit into…and as you have probably already guessed this urn was in the shape of a heart. I requested a blue one to represent Jackie’s birth month and I was told I would be notified when he was ready for pick up.
As you already know…hearts mean a great deal to me. For those of you that are my Facebook Friend…you know this to be true. For those of you that follow me on Instagram…you know this to be true. For me they are a little “Hello, Mom!” “Don’t be sad Mom” “I miss you too Mom”and they keep me going. But there really is a bigger picture here. These hearts that are now being shared with me have such a deeper purpose…such a deeper meaning then just a hello from Jackie. Community, goodness, friendship, family, empathy, sympathy…my surrounding world has become a better place because of one little boy. He has touched so many and I am one proud Mama.
Keep them coming! Keep sharing your heart sightings whether they bring joy to your heart as they do to mine, they make you think of Jackie, they make you think of us, or they just simply make you smile…whatever they bring to your life just know how grateful I am that you took the time to share them with me.
We love you Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts #thisoneisforjackie #angelmommy #hearts