Days in the life continued…
I wanted to open this topic up again because as I began my Monday morning “routine”, I use this loosely because my days are subject to change, I realized a common theme. Today actually changed last night as I was told that we would have guests staying with us this evening, therefore everything HAS TO BE CLEAN. Thou shall not have a cluttered, dusty, lived-in house when you are expecting visitors…why? Well because I am after all an offspring of a family that takes part in what I call “extreme cleaning”. Now my version of this “extreme cleaning” is completely off base to what the rest of the family does however nonetheless I take part in my own version of the cleaning gene.
To be honest cleaning has become a version of therapy for me. I find myself cleaning when I am having an “emotional” moment. Whether it be a stressful, sad, or worrisome moment…you can usually find me with a vacuum, a dust rag, or a mop. For some reason it really does help. I think it is because I am taking care of our house. And this “taking care of something” notion extends much further into my daily schedule then just with cleaning.
When you become a Mom something inside of you switches from off to on. This instinctual “take care of another life form” becomes one of the most important aspects of your life. You are living to take care of another. Their very survival is completely dependent on you. I of course had a bit of a rocky start with this whole notion as I watched my son as a spectator. Nurses, Doctors, Surgeons were who he depended upon for his survival…not me. I was merely moral support. However even being a spectator of his short life, I still felt an unbelievably amount of desire to take care of something. If it wasn’t going to be my son, well I needed something or numerous somethings to fill this void within my new Mom-self.
My Husband and I have loved two beautiful fur babies for almost as long as we have shared our lives together. We have a golden, Ari, who is 7 years old and we have a pit boxer mix, Obie, who is 5 years old. We together have shared the responsibilities of pet ownership however I have become somewhat of an obsessive pet mom after the loss of our son. I am completely in-tune to these two boys that share our home with us. Every sound they make I pay close attention to. I watch them like a hawk as if they need me for everything…they haven’t needed me in years, well except for food, water, chest scratches, and the occasional dreaded trip to the vet. Nonetheless I constantly find myself asking Ari and Obie, “What do you need?” Yes, I am one of those…I talk to my pets…but I constantly want to make sure that they have everything they need, that they want for nothing, and that they are well taken care of. To be honest, I don’t think they mind the extra attention.
Along with fur babies I have live plants in our house and also took part tending to my first garden this year. Some of you will recall from my earlier blogs that most of these plants came from my office space when I left my previous employer. I received a few of these plants after the passing of my Grandpa and the rest came into my possession after the passing of Jackie. The plants themselves take on a sort of memorialization of Grandpa and Jackie. I have discussed before how in a sense I feel as though I am keeping their spirits alive by keeping these plants alive. But it really just goes back to taking care of them. I tend to my plants in the house and I did the same for the garden. I was and am responsible for their survival.
Our fur babies and plants are really the only living things that I am tending to. Everything else merely has to do with household chores…things that need to be done to maintain a suitable living space for my Husband, fur babies, and our plants. Maybe it’s because I only work part-time now and consider myself to be somewhat of a stay at home mom, maybe it’s because it relates to taking care of things whether living things or just merely completing tasks that need to be done, or maybe it’s just because it has become therapeutic for me. Either way tasks such mowing the lawn, doing laundry, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, all play an intricate part in my wellbeing as a bereaved Mom. They help me fill a void…not completely…but they help. I am needed and I am wanted. I am a Mom.
We love you Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts #angelmommy