This is one of those questions that I have found weighs on many of your minds. I had many family members over the Thanksgiving Holiday try to find the words to ask this question. Luckily I have become well versed at understanding subtile clues and hints. I know that it is not easy to ask Jack and I questions and we do truly appreciate the kindness of this gesture. I know that you try your hardest to allow us to share only what we are ready to share. You sit and listen and allow us to guide the conversation. As most of you are aware, however, I am extremely receptive to questions. I am open to what you are wanting to know.
You guys know that I am honest with you. I pour my feelings out for you all to read. I share with you my grief journey, I have also shared with you my journey prior to Jackie, and my journey while Jackie was here with us. You know almost the whole story. I shared with you in my post “Days in the Life of a Bereaved Parent” that I wanted us all to be on the same page heading into 2018 with the inspiration of the book I am currently reading, “Surviving My First Year of Child Loss”, and that I wanted to make sure that I am providing a clear picture as to what this first year has been like…and how I/we “survived” it.
I have spent countless hours pondering over this post. Should I write it? Should I share it? The only thing I really ever promised to you as my readers is that I would share my grief journey and that I would share everything and anything that was related to Jackie. Though one side of me kept saying…share share share…the other kept saying, it is really no one’s business. To be fair, nothing that I share is really anyone’s business but my own however I choose to share. Hopefully that didn’t come off as rude, that is not the way that I intend you to take it. I choose to share out of the love I have for my son and in an effort to keep his spirit alive. To share him with all of you.
In the end, here I am again…sharing. This seemed to be as good a time as any with the launch of the new blog site. Whether this comes as a shock to you or no surprise at all, my husband and I are “trying” to conceive. We actually have been trying…with no success. I guess the one side of me that didn’t want to share was wanting to keep these two aspects of my life separate. However, they are not separate…they twist and wind together. Not only that but there was and still is the question of whether we were and are “trying” too soon after the loss of our son. I was nervous to share this news with not only my readers but also close family and friends for fear of what everyone thought.
I have slowly realized that within our family and close friend-base that most everyone that has learned of this news has been nothing but supportive and actually thrilled. That doesn’t mean that everyone has reacted this way, that is just not the case…there are a select few that seem to wonder the same question…is it too soon? They themselves are not ready for us.
In the end all I can really offer to you all is that, sure…it may be too soon, but bottom line is that Jack and I were and are ready.
So there it is, the answer that so many of you have been anxiously awaiting. I do feel a bit of a weight has lifted from my shoulders as I no longer have to keep this news away from the blog. I can now write my posts without having to feel the need to leave out some of the side effects that “trying” as a bereaved Mom bring to my life. But we can get into that another time…for now just know that we are trying and we have all the hope in the world that we will be blessed with a bundle of joy soon.
We love you Bear and Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts #angelmommy