Some of you will look at this title and click on it because you have no idea what 2WW means or you are seeing it and sighing a deep emotional cringe at the site of the dreaded 2WW. 2WW stands for two-week wait and in many couple’s eyes this term becomes the enemy during your “trying” journey. For those of you unfamiliar with the two-week wait otherwise known as luteal phase here is the condensed version of what Kindara’s knowledge base says.”The luteal phase is the post-ovulatory portion of a woman’s cycle (or, the time between when you ovulate, and when you get your period).” This is on average 14 days hence the two-week wait.
The two-week wait is a time that I can best describe as “crazy person time.” For those of you who didn’t have to wait for more than a few months to conceive you really missed out (read in a sarcastic tone). Now, what I am about to share may not be true for everyone however it rings true for me, so here goes. I literally feel like a crazy person during the two-week wait. As I had shared in my post “Am I Ovulating?” I use an app called Kindara to track my cycles through temping my basal body temperature. (If you are interested in more information related to this method see kindara.com for more details.)
Now let me share with you why I feel like a crazy person during this time. Once I have entered the two-week wait I am always so positive. For the first week my mind wonders to beautiful thoughts of being pregnant once again, thoughts of how we would announce, thoughts of joy and happiness. Rainbows, butterflies, glitter, and all things good flow through my body. All is right in the world and I know that without a doubt we will end the two-week wait with two little pink lines!
Then right smack dab in the middle of the two-week wait I have mixed thoughts. I start questioning the situation…what if we weren’t ready yet, what if we are actually pregnant, and what if we aren’t pregnant. All of these questions bring positive and negative reactions to me. Sadness and happiness dance together during this time. I am no longer thinking that we will see those two pink lines but even though I am starting to think it’s just not our month I analyze every single symptom I begin to have…oh my breasts are tender, oh my poop made me nauseous (this was a problem during my pregnancy with Jackie), oh I am so tired…maybe…just maybe.
Around the tenth day of the dreaded two-week wait another shift happens. Any remaining positive thought I had at this time completely disappears. There is absolutely no possible chance that we are pregnant. I refuse to purchase pregnancy tests because they always say the same thing and why should we waste our money. I do however end up caving around the twelfth day, run to the dollar store, and buy a few cheap tests. I wait until the next morning because morning pee is the best pee and then I wait…I wait…and wait…and wait as my urine slowly moves toward the window of destiny and reveals the test line. I stare at the test. I take photos of the test and I hold it up into the light and move it around to look at it in different angles. I put the test down and I take a break…then I go back and analyze it again. Oh…I think there may be a faint line…I think I see something. There is literally no second line. My brain just likes to play mean tricks on me. Not only does my brain like play tricks on me but my body also likes to play this game. I usually start my period in the morning on the 14th day, however my body likes to test my sanity and delay Aunt Flo for a few hours just to keep me on the edge of my seat.
Inevitably my period always arrives and it arrives with a flood of tears. Followed by unanswered questions that I send above. Another month has passed and we are not pregnant. The first two days after my period has arrived I am in the lowest state of mind. My grief for Jackie and my grief for not being pregnant again mesh together. This storm finally passes, as it always does, and the sun begins to shine. I regain positive thoughts, everything happens for a reason flows throughout my mind, and I ultimately regain my positive nature. I know that deep down there is a purpose for this struggle. I do not like it nor do I understand it but I have to believe that there is a purpose for this emotional roller coaster.
All we really can do is hope. Hope that one day we are blessed with another kiddo and until then we will keep riding this coaster through all of it’s ups, downs, twists, and turns.
We love you Bear and Jackie!
#ourjackofhearts #angelmommy