12. TRIGGER
“The hardest part of losing a child is living everyday after.”
If that isn’t the truth…
A trigger is something that causes you extreme pain and turns your good mood into sadness…sometimes extreme sadness. Sometimes you burst into spontaneous tears, sometimes you just have to turn your head and leave the situation, and sometimes you just need to take a deep breath…but regardless of how you need to handle the trigger you always feel the same…sad and alone. Everyone else’s lives seem so perfect and untouched by grief. You don’t understand how they get to live in this world of rainbows and glitter and you are stuck in the mud where a constant raining gloomy cloud follows you.
Triggers come out of nowhere at times especially if you are newly bereaved. You are still learning what your triggers are. You are still learning to cope with them in a healthy way and a way in which you can still be a sane member of society. You can’t exactly scream out loud , “It’s not fair!”, while pointing your finger all the while crying uncontrollably as you see a happy family walk by you at Target…I mean…you want to…but I don’t advise it.
My biggest trigger are kiddos that are Jackie’s age. I know a couple of them that were born within a few days of him…I literally have not been able to meet them and I struggle to see photos of them on Facebook. They are my biggest struggle. They remind me of what we are missing out on…what could have been…and just how big he would be right now…all the milestones he would’ve hit. I am crying about it right now. I can’t even think about them without extreme sadness…it is just part of my new normal.
We have to be easy on ourselves. Triggers are everywhere and we just don’t know when or where they will present themselves to us. They are apart of grief and will always be apart of our new normal.
“Grief does not go away, there will always be something that will trigger a memory of your loved one and makes us sad.”
We love you Bear, Jackie, and Peanut!
#MayWeAllHeal #MWAH2018 #shareyourstory #ourjackofhearts #angelmommy #ourkidsarewatching
I understand this all too well. Since my miscarriage this past March, I have struggled identifying my triggers. But I am, above all, being forgiving with myself. Emotions are allowed. I will identify them with time. I will feel – always. Be forgiving and patient with yourself. ❤️