Today…two years ago…we found out we were expecting Jackie. Two long years ago. I feel as though I have aged centuries since that time. I still have glimpses of that self come through but for the most part I am very different. Soft, delicate, humbled, grateful, …simple. Life is no longer about climbing the corporate ladder…money is no longer the end goal for me. Family and friends come before everything. It’s the people…the relationships…and the moments they are in with you that take your breath away. Life is more simple now.
On another note, related to our fertility journey: Jack’s semen analysis came back. “The concentration has gone down a little, but the motility and morphology are improved. That’s great for being on clomid for such a short time. He should continue as it appears to be working!”
To be honest, and this may sound terrible…but as I read the statement on the bottom of Jack’s paperwork…”Your semen parameters are within the lower range of expected fertile standards”…I began to feel as though the blame that I placed upon myself suddenly lessened. I felt as though we became a shared party…that both of us are contributing to the complications of our pregnancy journey. I feel relieved…It’s not just me. We share in this journey as much as we share in our lives together. We are a team. It takes two. And lucky for us…we both are failing…our bodies are failing us…things that we cannot control…we…us…together. I told you it was going to sound horrible but it honestly makes me feel better. Neither of us can point the finger at the other and say you are to blame! And that in some small weird way makes this journey a bit easier to swallow. The large burden that I placed so easily on my shoulders alone is now being shared with my partner.
We love you Bear, Jackie, and Peanut!
#ourjackofhearts #angelmommy #fertility #IUI #ourkidsarewatching