TOMORROW! One more sleep, as my Niece would say, and we finally get to go to the clinic to receive our news. It has felt like eternity and it is finally one day away.
An emotional roller coaster once again…today I am feeling completely pessimistic. I have no ounce of hope left within in. I am not pregnant…it is not our time…and it hurts my soul. Maybe all of my counter comments to keep myself grounded backfired…maybe it’s because my Basel body temperatures are slowly decreasing away from 98…maybe it’s because I don’t feel as many symptoms as I had before…and most likely it’s a combination of all of the above. I am tired of treading water. It has been a long 12 days and now on day 13 I just feel like floating…no more kicking…no more treading…I just am. I will lie here until tomorrow morning at 7am…I will be still until the outcome. I can already feel a storm brewing…
I know that I will be okay no matter the outcome…I know that I will survive because survive is what we do…we have been surviving for quite a while now…we have been okay and will continue to be okay. I just wish so hard that it is in our cards as parents to LIVE not just survive…to be GOOD not okay. We anxiously await what tomorrow will bring.
I am a complete mess…completely pessimistic and basically drowning my emotions in donuts and milk. And I’ve already pooped twice this morning if that doesn’t say anything I don’t know what does.
We love you Bear, Jackie, and Peanut!
#ourjackofhearts #IUI #angelmommy #bereavedparents #ourkidsarewatching