This time was different…very different.
I had tried to mentally prepare myself for what was to come for weeks prior to her arrival into this world, but no preparation can actually be made for something you have never lived through. As many of you will recall when Jackie was born he was immediately taken and examined. I laid in the bed trying to sneak glimpses of him, he was then taken to the NICU, and he was prepped for his journey to Cardinal Glennon. I got to seem him one more time in his transport box and then he was wheeled away. I didn’t get to see him again until hours later when I was given a pass from the hospital to go see him.
I knew that this time would be different…one very large difference was that there wasn’t a plan for a journey to Cardinal Glennon. There was only the idea of a normal birth…but like I said no amount of thought or plans could have prepared me for her arrival. What is normal anyway?
Jack and I packed our bags a few days ahead of time…who am I kidding, I packed mine months in advance and Jack…well I was begging him to pack his. He finally packed it the night before our induction date.
Prior to our induction date I thought for sure Lizzy took matters into her own hands and was going to arrive early…I monitored contractions for hours…and once they were 5 minutes apart I woke my husband up and off to the hospital we went in the wee hours of the morning. Only to be sent home hours later when my contractions died down and Lizzy had decided she really wasn’t ready.
We went back home and carried on until it was finally the morning of our induction date! I called the hospital a few hours beforehand to be sure that there was an open bed for us. There was and it was time! Our game plan was simple…arrive at the hospital, receive drugs, wait, notify Grandparents when we got close…have a baby!
A normal delivery…this thought consumed my dreams and nightmares for weeks. I would dream of this beautiful entry…smooth…fast…followed by an intense feeling of love and admiration of our daughter who we now know what she looks like. I would have nightmares…complications…a rush to the NICU…and even stillbirth. I did my best to push my reset button when I would wake from the nightmares and calm myself back into a level state of mind. Deep breathing and positive thoughts.
I recall feeling nervous. My voice was shaky when I called the hospital to confirm we had a bed available. I was nervous as we drove to the hospital with an empty carseat installed in our car this time. I was nervous checking in and getting wheeled into our delivery room…I was nervous. I was also miserable, exhausted, and ready to meet this child that had been sharing my body with me.
For some reason I am always surprised at how slow of a process having a baby actually is. I am speaking only of delivery in this instance. This was number 2 for me and I was still stunned at how long we had to wait…I mean seriously where do I get this idea that I can just show up to the hospital and within a few hours…like 2…have a baby in my arms…oh wait…movies! Well, that just isn’t reality and I knew this already…but surprised I still was.
Once we were in the delivery room, vitals taken, and drugs given the process began. I was given more drugs later in the day and we were finally able to call the Grandparents a little before dinner time. Then Lizzy decided to stall for a bit so her Daddy and Grandparents went out to dinner while I tried to take a bit of a nap before the big show! Having my cervix checked was like having a knife cut me on the inside…my cervix was tilted back so it was not the easiest thing for the nurse to check. I had three different people check it each time…and each time seemed worse than the one before.
I finally felt a familiar pressure and notified the nurse. She called in my doctor and the Grandparents waited anxiously in the waiting room this time around. At one point Elizabeth’s blood pressure rose and I had to take a break from pushing. I was rolled on my side and given a giant peanut ball to put in-between my legs. It was finally time to push once more…breath…push…breath…push…her head was out! I was asked if I wanted to see it…hahaha…NO! Breath…push…breath…push…and just like that SHE WAS HERE!
She turned BLUE…she was not breathing…my heart sunk! I immediately felt helpless…feelings that I knew all too well began to surface as I began the grief journey of losing another baby…SHE began to cry…I cried…the nurses immediately placed her on my chest for skin to skin contact. I took a deep breath, I looked at my elated husband, and I just couldn’t believe it! She was here and she was ours! I vowed right then and there to protect her and love her forever! Our sweet Lizzy Lee…our rainbow after the storm…she will never be taken for granted.
We love you Bear, Jackie, Peanut, Lizzy, and Covid!
#ourjackofhearts #rainbowbabies #dreamsdocometrue